Applesauce Oat Bread

Bleh.

This week I really feel like I'm failing at my being a Mom job.

2.5 weeks ago my 2 year old broke his leg at the playground.  He fell off one little - low to the ground step, just landed hard and funny on it.  I was standing right there and didn't catch him.  His first week in a cast he was great - so sweet and playing so nicely with his duplos all day, napping great, and just being a real trooper.  This week he is a completely different kid.  Says "no" to everything I ask of him, fights me tooth and nail on everything, won't nap, cries every time we put him to bed, whines all day long about every little thing.  Yesterday he cried for 20 minutes because he said I was using Papa's cup and that made him mad.  What?  Toddlers...who knows!  The last two days he has decided that kicking or hitting me and his little brother is funny.  No, it is most definitely not.

This acting out of his has me acting out too.  Ahh...I have definitely lost my cool more then once.  I am so stressed and angry that I can't figure out what is going on with him.  We go outside for play time every day.  We eat healthy balanced meals.  We play.  We read.  We snuggle.  We sing.  We have play dates.  We pray.  We get out of the house every single day.  I talk him through everything.  I tell him he is loved. I try to spend one on one quality time with him.  Poor kid is probably just restless from not being able to walk or run!



All this, and I still fall short as a mom.  Ugh.  I take being a mom very seriously, and when I fall short - I am my biggest critic.  Recently some unnamed person made some really horrible comments about me that really upset me.  I know in my heart that these comments are not true and were said from a very hateful place...but still, they eat away at me even when I think I am over them.  Then a few kind people - not meaning any harm - have said that my son broke his leg because he doesn't drink milk...again, something that is my fault.  Words, so powerful and so painful.   

Transitioning into being the mom of two has proved harder then I thought it would be.  Every other day I tell myself I'm not cutting it.  Then throw other people's words into my head and it worsens the blow.  Some days I feel like I'm getting it right.  Like today, the morning was going great.  I put my baby down for a nap, and started my workout while my toddler did a puzzle.  5 minutes into it I was working out and felt peaceful and I realized everything was going right for once...haha...in that second my toddler started loosing it because he took personal offense at one of the puzzle pieces....then my baby woke up from his short nap mad.  NOOOOO...peace lost.

I know what I need.  I need Jesus.  Problem is, I'm too tired to go to him.  Face palm.  I'm writing this not for pity, but to process and just be real.  I know this is a phase in life, one of those rough sticky spots, but I also know it will get better.  Until then I just have to keep moving forward, praying, silencing the negative words that linger in my head, and trying my hardest to find Jesus in all the moments - the good ones and the bad ones. 

Life is tough people.  Just reminding you...and me...that words are a gift, use them for good, use them to build other people up - not tear them down.  Find someone in your life who is struggling and affirm them, USE YOUR WORDS AND BRING JOY INTO SOMEONE'S HEART.

Now, here is something I did get right this week.  This bread is stellar.  My toddler and I have pretty much finished off the loaf by ourselves in 2 days...eh, who am I kidding - I have pretty much eaten the whole loaf all by myself.  Nursing a giant baby makes me fiercely hungry all the dang time!



Applesauce Oat Bread
adapted from here

1 cup applesauce (I used unsweetened)
1 tsp. vanilla
1/4 cup melted coconut oil (or whatever oil you bake with)
1/3 cup yogurt (I used plain organic yogurt - pretty sure whatever you have on hand will do)
1 large egg
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp allspice
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup peeled diced small apple tossed in a little bit of lemon juice
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup oat flour - just grind old fashioned oats in a food processor

Topping:
2 TBS brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease a loaf pan and then line with parchment paper.

In large mixing bowl whisk the applesauce, vanilla, melted coconut oil and yogurt until combined.  Add in the eggs and brown sugar.  Mix until smooth.  Add salt, spices, baking soda and powder.  Whisk.
Toss chopped apple with 1/2 TBS flour and then add to bowl.  Stir with spoon.  Add the flours and mix gently to combine.  Pour into prepared pan.  Mix together the brown sugar and cinnamon for topping and sprinkle on top of bread.  Bake 50-55 minutes until toothpick comes out clean.

Marzipan Scones

My husband makes fun of me because I can't remember important things...like his phone number...but I can vividly remember memories involving food.  I can remember tastes from my childhood - not all good ones...spaghetti o's in a can...Vienna sausages in a can...how did I ever like those things?  I remember food, of all things-that is what my brain is hardwired to do!  Go figure!

I was thinking of these yummy almond marzipan scones my sister's friend made her one time while I was visiting.  I often think of how yummy they were and how I needed to recreate them one day.  Well thank goodness, that day has come!  I found a recipe I liked, but simplified it and changed it up a little.  I was super pleased with the end product and will be making them again!

Marzipan is a delicious combination of ground almonds and sugar that is made into a paste.  In pastry school we made marzipan and it was quite easy, but these days I allow myself to take more shortcuts in my cooking since I am limited on time and more importantly...energy!  I have to confess, these 3 scones sat on my counter for 3 days before I had time to photograph them...hopefully you cannot detect their staleness through the screen : )

If you are English, I apologize for the shape of my scones.  I know this is not the traditional shape of a scone - but taking out the "rolling them out onto a counter" part saves so much clean up time, and honestly they taste the same to me! 

Make these scones.  Sit down to a cup of coffee or tea with a friend.  Imagine you are at a little roadside cafe in Paris.  Eat the scones.  You are welcome.

Marzipan Scones

2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1/2 tsp kosher salt

1/4 tsp baking soda

1 TBSP baking powder

1 stick unsalted butter - cold and cubed

1 large egg

1 tsp almond extract

3/4 cup buttermilk (or cream, I used buttermilk)

7 oz package almond paste (marzipan) chopped into small chunks the size of peas

2 TBS chopped almonds

Glaze (optional)

4 TBS powdered sugar

1 1/2 tsp milk

Preheat the oven to 400°F.*  Line a large cookie sheet with parchment paper - set aside.

Chop up the marzipan into pea sized pieces, set aside.

Mix flour, sugar, salt, baking soda and baking powder in a large stand mixing bowl and mix to combine.

With the mixer running on low speed - Add the cubed butter to the flour mixture and mix until coarse meal. (or if you don't have a stand mixer - cut the butter in with a pastry blender or fork until the mixture resembles coarse meal.)  Once the butter is mixed in nicely, add the chopped marzipan and mix for a few seconds.

in separate small bowl whisk together the egg, buttermilk and almond extract.  Reserve 1 tablespoon of the egg mixture to brush the top of the scones later.

With mixer on low, add the liquid ingredients to the dry ones- mix just a few seconds - you don't want to over mix it, and there will be dry bits still.  Remove from stand and using a spoon or spatula combine a little bit more.

Scoop batter into 12 racquetball size clumps and place onto pan...I used a large ice cream scoop to do this.  Using your fingers or a pastry brush, lightly brush the reserved TBS of liquid over the tops of the scones.  Sprinkle with chopped almonds.

Bake 15-18 minutes until lightly browned - watch the bottoms - don't let them get too dark.

Allow to cool  completely.  Mix together the powdered sugar and milk.  Drizzle evenly over cooled scones.  I just pour the glaze into a small plastic bag and cut a tip out of one of the bottom corners - or you can put it in a parchment paper piping bag.

*Our gas oven is way hotter then my old electric one, so I always heat my oven 15 degrees less then what a recipe calls for - so for this recipe I actually heated my oven to 385 degrees.  You do what is best for your oven : )